It’s so interesting how much emphasis people put on being single, especially when you don’t personally dwell on it everyday. It’s honestly not that hard to get into a relationship, you could find someone who thinks you’re attractive and you know likes you way more than you like them and just start dating (that would be rude but I’m making a point here! ). As I’ve grown and stopped looking at relationships the world’s way but God’s way I’ve learned not to date just for sport (basically being with someone just because you think you need to be in a relationship and not having intentions to marry them or being with them knowing that it is a person you would NEVER want to marry)
As a single woman my time is filled with being able to exhaust every opportunity and experience I can before even getting married, not waiting on a ring and thinking my life will begin then. I’m able to serve with all my heart, give my time to things I care about, learn about who I am, and most of all spend every second growing in a loving relationship like none other with King Jesus!! Now, it’s not that I don’t desire to be married, and have children I most certainly do, and sometimes I’ll have a moment of thinking about it but I don’t dwell on it! I’m perfectly okay if God decides that isn’t in His plans for me and that it’ll be Him and I rocking out until He returns!! But I never feel lonely or desperate enough to just frivolously get into a relationship just because I feel the need to have companionship! Now of course I didn’t arrive at the conclusion overnight but over the past few ye ars that I’ve been single I’ve learned a lot and if you’re single and getting discouraged or in a relationship that you know isn’t fruitful I’m going to share some of things I’ve done to come to a place of not putting a relationship on such a high pedestal, but focusing on becoming the best me that I can!
1. Get to know Jesus: This might be a cliché thing to say but as a woman who lives for the King I think this is one of the best things I can tell you. How can you truly know love if you don’t know the creator of love? Spend time in prayer, journaling, attending worship services, surround yourself with other believers, go on dates with Jesus! Seriously pick a time every week and make it an intentional time that you spend talking and getting to know Jesus.
2. Get to know who YOU are as a child of the Most High: How can you really know what God’s best for you is when you don’t know who you are? I think one of the main reasons we don’t allow God’s best in our lives is because we’re settling for less! STOP IT!
God says “Before I formed you in the womb I knew [a] you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
God knows you better than anybody and if you never take the time to focus on number 1 (above) how will you know who you are? You don’t deserve someone who talks down to you, you don’t deserve someone who doesn’t value your opinion, you don’t deserve someone who would try to compromise your virtue by having sex with you before you are married, even if you’ve done it before don’t let someone try to use that against you to guilt you into compromise.
3. Learn about you (slightly different than #2): What do you like? What makes you happy? What things get you upset? What are you passionate about? What do you expect from friends, family, a future husband? What type of personality do you have? Learn about you, the more you know about you, the more you know what you need and I think it will lead to a much more fulfilling life.
4. Glean From Others: Read books focused on marriage, courting or dating. You may wonder why, but don’t we prepare for everything else in life before we actually get there? When you plan a vacation you research the destination, you take an exam you prepare and read the material before. Why not do the same with marriage? If it is something we want we should be prepared! Also talking with friends who are married or older mentors is something beneficial as well. While this won’t completely prepare you because every situation will be different, it is a great way to have a foundation as a potential wife or husband someday.
5. Do What You Love: Like to travel? Go! Want To Go Back To School? Go! Want To Do Missionary Work? Go! Do what you enjoy don’t sit around and say “When I get married I’m going to do this and that with my mate”, do it NOW! You’re single and to be honest you don’t have to worry about what someone else wants to do right now! Lol. When you get married and have children that will change because you have other people to take into consideration. So use your single time to have fun and welcome new experiences!
Now I’m not an
expert on single life and what to do while you’re single but these are some things that have worked for me and I pray that even one thing I’ve written helps you and changes your thoughts about being single. Ultimately, we should be focused on growing in relationship with God and not letting relationships or the lack of become a distraction to our walk.
I love you and Jesus loves you more!