Monthly Archives: May 2015

On Turning 26: A Birthday Post

As I sit in my apartment I began to think about the last 25 years of my life the first thing that came to mind was a basketball game. This 1st quarter I came out ready to play, energetic and optimistic about what I would I do! I knew I had the skill set to win thanks to parents who supported me and always made sure I wanted for nothing and my determination was at an all time high. The quarter started off great, I had all these dreams, goals and visions of what my life would be like and I was heading towards them with full force, I was winning, I was on fire and ready to take on the world. At some point during this quarter, my momentum started to give out, my energy level just wasn’t what it was in those first few minutes of the quarter, in my mind I was losing. Why did I think I was losing? I’m glad you asked. In my mind I had this idea of what the 1st quarter would be like. I would have attended my dream college, in this quarter I’d have a vibrant career and be able to travel the world, in this quarter I’d be married with at least one child, in this quarter I’d be all I ever saw myself being. But that wasn’t the case, this quarter had me questioning Why? What? When? Where? I questioned God, I ranted to Him (oh did I rant!) I called myself debating with Him and even at times thinking I knew what was better for my life as if He didn’t already know everything that would occur before I was even in my mothers womb back in 1989. I wasn’t feeling the way my life was going, people close to me knew this on a surface level, but underneath all of that I felt like a failure. I felt like I was letting everyone around me down and not living up to my potential and worst of all I felt like I had let myself down. I essentially just wanted to say forget everything and not put any effort into anything anymore. So here I was nearing the end of the first quarter with all the zeal I started with nowhere to be found.

But then a commercial to mark the momentary break in the game before the next quarter.

During the break I strengthened my relationship with God, I thought about my life and what I wanted and what God wanted for it and made vision boards, I built great friendships and met some amazing people. The break was a time for me to refocus, reflect on what made me lose my momentum and prepare myself to move forward! The break allowed me to learn about me and what makes me happy. I got amped again, but you want to know the difference this time? I wasn’t trying to do it all by myself! I had a coach (Holy Spirit) guiding me, counseling, me comforting me and showing me what my future would look like. I didn’t try and continue ordering my own steps but allow Him to order them. Then after I surrendered all, I was refreshed, refueled and ready to head back to the court! 

So as I prepare to lace my shoes back up, drink a cup of Gatorade and begin the 2nd quarter I’m excited! I’m excited because I know that even though everything won’t always be perfect and I don’t always have the answers or may not know what’s next, I’m confident that all things are working for my good! I’m looking forward to what this 2nd quarter will bring and I’m walking into it with happiness in my heart and a smile on my face! 
Happy 26th Birthday to Me! 
   
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Boring Faith Story?

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Can I be transparent? Whenever I hear other people’s testimonies about coming to Christ I am just in awe of their stories I would think to myself after hearing a powerful testimony “That was powerful, God really moved in their life”. Then I would begin to think about my spiritual journey and well- I thought it was quite boring. I felt like I didn’t have this elaborate story of change and transformation. I began to question whether or not I was really saved because I hadn’t had this dramatic event happen in my life. I thought “Am I really a Christian if something extreme hasn’t happened that made me turn to God?” I didn’t grow up in church, I had a pretty good upbringing with a great family, so what was it? How had God shown up in my life? Then God showed me. I ran across an old journal from when I was around 14 or 15 years old and what I found really surprised me.

I opened that journal where I used to write poems and it was riddled with the ups and downs of “love”, searching for identity and very low self esteem. I don’t know if I just never acknowledged that I had low self esteem or blocked it out of my memory but I was baffled by the things I had written and how hard I was on my self. I’m in my head talking back to the words I see, thinking “No babygirl, you are fearfully and wonderfully made” “Your identity is found in Christ not your looks, a boy,or what other people say about you” I was getting frustrated with this girl and then it hit me. Although there wasn’t a big event that initially made me come to into relationship with Him, my taking a step towards God allowed Him to develop my identity in Him step by step.

God rescued me from a life of feeling less than, the girl who wrote those poems could have went down a very different path, a lot of things could have hit her life and she may have allowed herself to be mistreated because of her lack of self esteem and who knows where she would be now.But GOD! He kept me, He covered me. When I submitted to Him and learned what it means to be in relationship with Him is where I learned who I was in Christ, step by step and day after day God wrapped His arms around me even when I tried to fight Him, when I submitted to Him I no longer worried about getting validation from the world, a guy or anyone else, I turned away from what I thought made me who I was and embraced the One who made me who I was.

All the while I was looking for an outward event that marked my transformation, but it was what God did and continues to do internally that shows me the transformation I’ve made. He helped me to see myself the way that He saw me. I could not imagine my life without Him being the center of it! I’m so grateful that He loves me, (despite all the reasons I don’t deserve it) so much that He met me right where I was and gently breathed life and identity into me!

I wanted to share this to encourage you. There may be some of you who feel like your story isn’t worth being told. NOT TRUE! Encounters and relationship with God vary amongst all of us. I think that’s the beauty of it all, God loves us all, but He knows us so well that He knows how He communicates and teaches me is going to different than how He does with you, but at the end of the day He loves us, and your story is important. So don’t be afraid to share it!

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