Can I be transparent? Whenever I hear other people’s testimonies about coming to Christ I am just in awe of their stories I would think to myself after hearing a powerful testimony “That was powerful, God really moved in their life”. Then I would begin to think about my spiritual journey and well- I thought it was quite boring. I felt like I didn’t have this elaborate story of change and transformation. I began to question whether or not I was really saved because I hadn’t had this dramatic event happen in my life. I thought “Am I really a Christian if something extreme hasn’t happened that made me turn to God?” I didn’t grow up in church, I had a pretty good upbringing with a great family, so what was it? How had God shown up in my life? Then God showed me. I ran across an old journal from when I was around 14 or 15 years old and what I found really surprised me.
I opened that journal where I used to write poems and it was riddled with the ups and downs of “love”, searching for identity and very low self esteem. I don’t know if I just never acknowledged that I had low self esteem or blocked it out of my memory but I was baffled by the things I had written and how hard I was on my self. I’m in my head talking back to the words I see, thinking “No babygirl, you are fearfully and wonderfully made” “Your identity is found in Christ not your looks, a boy,or what other people say about you” I was getting frustrated with this girl and then it hit me. Although there wasn’t a big event that initially made me come to into relationship with Him, my taking a step towards God allowed Him to develop my identity in Him step by step.
God rescued me from a life of feeling less than, the girl who wrote those poems could have went down a very different path, a lot of things could have hit her life and she may have allowed herself to be mistreated because of her lack of self esteem and who knows where she would be now.But GOD! He kept me, He covered me. When I submitted to Him and learned what it means to be in relationship with Him is where I learned who I was in Christ, step by step and day after day God wrapped His arms around me even when I tried to fight Him, when I submitted to Him I no longer worried about getting validation from the world, a guy or anyone else, I turned away from what I thought made me who I was and embraced the One who made me who I was.
All the while I was looking for an outward event that marked my transformation, but it was what God did and continues to do internally that shows me the transformation I’ve made. He helped me to see myself the way that He saw me. I could not imagine my life without Him being the center of it! I’m so grateful that He loves me, (despite all the reasons I don’t deserve it) so much that He met me right where I was and gently breathed life and identity into me!
I wanted to share this to encourage you. There may be some of you who feel like your story isn’t worth being told. NOT TRUE! Encounters and relationship with God vary amongst all of us. I think that’s the beauty of it all, God loves us all, but He knows us so well that He knows how He communicates and teaches me is going to different than how He does with you, but at the end of the day He loves us, and your story is important. So don’t be afraid to share it!